Thursday, March 24, 2005

Top five things you don't expect to find in your Wendy's Chili by Twizler

5) meat

4) a happy meal toy

3) gefilte fish

2) Dave Thomas

1) A GOD DAMN MOTHER FUCKING HUMAN FINGER! AGGHHHHRR GROSS!

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

7:38 AM obession

Every morning my alarm goes off at 7:10 which is really 7:02. Apparently I need to trick myself into believing that I’m sleeping later than I really am. I hit snooze and try and not wait until 7:20 (7:12) for it to go off again. After my shower I flip on CNN’s Headline News and make my breakfast. I can usually start eating by the time lead anchor, Robin Meade begins her run down of the day’s top stories.

But what I’m really waiting for is the financial news. Not that I really give two craps about financial matters but have made it my morning ritual to check out what Business maven, Carrie Lee is wearing. Her hair is a lot shorter now than in the CNN picture and she almost never wears skirts. For some reason her conservative, yet sporty wardrobe choices have me glued to HN every morning around 7:37 or 7:38. Maybe it’s the fact that you get the full scope of her body since she’s standing besides a brightly colored map of yesterday’s stock numbers. Maybe it is that she doesn’t wear skirts and still manages to look smashing and feminine. Maybe it’s just because she’s hot, albeit not my usual type.

Whatever it is thank you Ms. Lee for brightening my morning, giving me fashion ideas and occupying my eyes until I flip over to VH-1 classic.

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Not really pop culture, but funny

An email from Keeper:
To: Twizler

Subject: OMG!

your grandma just sent me a picture that has boobies in it!

Thursday, March 10, 2005

The Price Most Certainly Is Right .... If You Know What I Mean, and I Think You Do

Have you ever noticed that Bob Barker seems pretty attached to that long, skinny microphone with the long cord attached? (I haven't watched The Price Is Right in a long time so I am assuming he still uses it and don't tell me if I am wrong because it ruins this entry.) Do you ever wonder if there's a reason he's so attached, like if he's trying to tell us all something as he grips it, ever so gently, betwixt his fingertips? Do you? Do you?

I'm thinking that if any of you ladies and gentlemen prefer the long and the slender and the tapered, you might want to give ole Bobby a call. I'm just saying.

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

We really must get out more

Sorry for the lack of pop-culture dissing lately but I have been thrust into the underground world of sex, guns and drugs otherwise known as Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. While I do enjoy the mass slaughter of rival gang members and car jackings, one of my favorite things of the game is the shopping.

Yep you can dress your dude from head to toe however you want. So far I've unlocked four stores and have acquired quite a wardrobe. You can also get different haircuts and tattoos. I'm all about accessorising while running over pedestrians and planting drugs in DA officers cars. I wore a really cute black hat with a nice shirt and olive khaki s when I murdered a valet. A funky pair of orange converse with a form-fitting jacket when I robbed an Off Track Betting place. And a red basketball jersey that really showed off my toned, tattooed arm when I shot a rocket launcher at a police helicopter.

Thanks Rockstar games for satisfying my underlying sadistic tendencies along with my inherent shopaholic side!