Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Two Conversations About "Riding the Bus With My Sister"

Scene: May 1, 2005, night of original airing, approximately 50 minutes into the movie. Twizler is feeling sick, and therefore unable to argue against the watching of this monstrosity of a movie. The snarkabilty of this movie is so high that I have been barely able to speak.

Keepergirl [finally breaking silence]: Twiz, you know what the best part of this movie is?
Twizler [wondering why she agreed to watch this movie while suffering a migraine]: What?
Keepergirl [couch dancing]: THERE IS OVER AN HOUR LEFT!
Twizler [wincing]: Kill me now.

Scene: Approximately two weeks later, during a visit with KeeperSister. I have saved the movie on my fake TiVO, so that I can re-watch and commit parts of it to memory. KeeperSister and I have just watched the entire movie, piece by piece, starting with me just "wanting to show her the first 10 minutes or so" just to give her an idea of how delightfully wretched it is, and her saying "just five more minutes" approximately 20 times.

Keepergirl [delighting in sisterly snark]: Don't you wish you had a retarded sister?
KeeperSister [without missing a beat]: I do have one. I just want a better one.
Keepergirl [sorry she didn't think of it first]: HAAAAA..... hey!

Friday, May 20, 2005

I see London, I see France

I see a former Iraqi dictator in his underpants.

I really just posted that so I could write that headline. The top three runners up included:

-Now Victoria's Secret is all up in his grill to launch a men's line
-He was more upset this was snapped before his montly manscaping appointment with Eduardo
-Can you find the WMD's?

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Riding the bus with my fat, overacting, lesbian ex-talkshow host sister

First off, we're going to hell. We are so going to hell that we've already been given passes to the Hell HOV lane.

Sunday night at nine, Keeper and I settled in to watch the long awaited CBS Hallmark Hall of Fame move Riding the Bus with my Sister staring Rosie O'Donnel and Andie MacDowell. The really sad part of this is that we've been eagerly waiting to see this train wreck for over a month. Ever since we saw a commercial featuring a lumbering Rosie in brightly colored "just to make sure you know I'm mentally challenged" mismatching clothes, we've been chomping at the bits. In fact I started quoting from RtBWmS even before I knew any of the dialogue. I was soo sure it would contain a pivotal scene where Tard Rosie proclaims "You're my sister!" (to my dismay, it did not.)

But anyway, the overall heavy-handed, plot has Andie "I express my emotions with my hair" MacDowell -Rachael having to deal with her mentally challenged (they never say what's wrong with her, other than her voice but I'll get to that in a minute) sister Beth played by Ms. Rosie "I'll launch a Koosh ball at your head if you eat the last Ho-Ho" O'Donnel.

I didn't know what Rosie's voice would be like until the preview of RtBWmS started at nine. At this point, maybe it was from too much sugar, maybe I just couldn't contain myself, I literally almost threw up from laughing. Rosie's voice sounded something like Elmo with a thyroid condition at volume 11.

Now mind you, I do not get off on laughing at people with disabilities in real life. Nor do I get my shits and giggles from realistic portrays of them. But seeing Rosie O'Donnel projecting her lines pretty much showing every tooth was something truly frightening and beautiful at the same time.

The plot of the movie and its outcome doesn't really matter. You could see the ending before it started but it was definitely worth the wait and provided me with many quotable lines that I could recite and skive out Keeper with.

If anyone wants a copy of it, Keeper's got it on TIVO.