Wednesday, September 29, 2004

13 Going on Grossing Me Out

Well, Twiz, I respectfully disagree. I thought 13 Going On 30 was far superior to Vice Versa in the whole "adult-switching-bodies-with-child" genre. And not just because Jennifer Garner is just so darned cute. (And she played 13 quite well, I might add.) My problem with Vice Versa is that both Fred Savage and Judge Reinhold bug the ever-lovin' shit out of me. Freddie has been annoying ever since he played the whiny, complaining kid on The Wonder Years. The only role he's had that I didn't dislike was when he played "The Mole" in Austin Powers and that's just because everyone was making fun of him. "Moley! Moley! Moley!" And whenever I think of Judge Reinhold I just think of him as the guy who was masturbating while wearing a pirate uniform in Fast Times at Ridgemont High. And who names their kid "Judge"? Maybe if I ever have kids I'll call them "Tax Attorney" and "Chief Executive Officer." (Or if I think they're going to be screw-ups, I'll call them "Crack Whore" and "Used-Car Salesperson.")

Wait, where was I? Oh yeah, 13 Going on 30 ...

This movie was fine in a "watch it on cable" sort of way. Jennifer Garner was entertaining, as was Mark Ruffalo. And as always, I was digging the 80s references. But my main problem (and my problem with most of these types of movies) is that they are skeevy. The movie people can't just avoid the idea of a love-interest. In this movie, the 13 year-old girl in the 30 year-old body had to deal with a hockey-player boyfriend who likes to do stripteases to Ice, Ice Baby. Ew! Why not just leave that part of the movie out? Instead, they walk it right up to the totally icky point and stop there, leaving the audience just vaguely uncomfortable. It's been awhile since I've seen Freaky Friday (the 1976 original with Jodie Foster) but I think they managed to avoid the whole "child dealing with her mother's boyfriend issue" and STILL had a successful movie.

But other than the fact that I wanted to shower after watching it, 13 Going On 30 is still a fine, vaguely entertaining movie. The best parts about it? No Fred Savage and no Judge Reinhold. Suck on that, Twizler!

Big with Boobs

Sunday night Keeper and I ordered 13 Going on 30 on pay-per view. She had a free coupon for a movie and it was rightfully used on 13. It was a pretty forgettable movie but that Jennifer Garner is just so darn cute! I pointed out to Keeper that there hadn't been a Child-to-Adult body switching flick in a while but then she mentioned Freaky Friday. Ok, got me there.

And speaking of the genre, everyone knows that Big is its king but I'd like to give a shout-out to the irreverently sardonic Vice Verse. If ever you are in the mood to see the beginning of one career and end of another in one flick, check it out. VV features a star making performance by Mr. Fred Savage and pretty much spelled the end of Judd Reingold's career. (Minus the stint on Seinfeld as personal space invading guy). In a gut splitting turn of events, an uptight executive is transplanted into the body of his 13 year and son and... vice-verse. Will the 13 year old in his father's body, boff his Dad's girlfriend? Will the unathletic father screw-up at ice hockey? You just don't know! Plus there's plenty of "hey it's that guy" moments where you'll see an actor that you've seen in a million different things but have no idea what there name is. (do a shot for every "hey it's that guy.")

So yeah, 13 Going on 30 is cute but it's no cinematic triumph like Vice Verse.

Monday, September 27, 2004

Be Ashamed! Be Very Ashamed!

My sister told me a story this morning about watching her cat puke up a live ant, and that's what A Dirty Shame is like -- somewhat compelling in the oddness and the grossness, but eventually boring after you've seen the cat cough it up 50 times. While I would be all fascinated and grossed-out over the ant the first few times, after awhile, I would get bored and wander off. The same goes for this movie ... I would have wandered off about 45 minutes into it, but I'd paid eight bucks and still had some popcorn left, so I felt compelled to stay. There are only so many sex jokes and after you've heard them, you'd better find some new ones or at least start showing the sex, but Waters did neither. Perhaps that was the point. The "sex-cult" in the movie was searching for a brand-new sex act, and maybe Waters' point was that there are no new sex acts just like he ran out of gross sex jokes. I dunno.

I mean, I know Waters is all about the gross-out humor and less about high-art, or, dare I say, PLOT. But he toys with us by hinting a little at the stuff that would really piss off some people, namely fashioning his sex-crazed cult after Jesus and the Apostles, but just when you think, "Hot damn! Won't this get Falwell's panties in a wad!" Waters pretty much drops the comparasion like frozen poop falling from a plane. And I'm not just creating a simile there, folks. Ew.

So I guess the point I'm trying to make (which has put on its ramblin' boots and rambled all over this page) is that Mr. Waters has either already climaxed when it comes to original gross-out humor, and all we are getting here is the stuff that ran down his thigh, OR he's getting softer and mellower as he gets older, and is backing away from the truly outrageous. I mean, in Pink Flamingos, Divine ate REAL poop. Here, some computer generated poop falls on someone's head. Moving in the wrong direction, don't you think?

A dirty shame I didn't see a different movie

On Saturday Keeper and I traveled not so far away from Twiz Mom's house to see the new John Waters film A Dirty Shame. Peter Travers, reviewer extraordinaire from Rolling Stone described it as "Wicked, kinky fun." Yeah, like watching old women shop for knee-highs is wicked kinky fun (although I'm sure there's some fetish for that). Now granted, I usually enjoy John Waters films, I have to be in the mood for them but when I am, I like them. And after spending Friday night and Saturday night at respective Twiz family households to celebrate Yom Kippur I was in the mood for some wicked, kinky fun.

I should have stayed home and watched ancient Newlywed Game episodes on GSN.

ADS was playing at the Senator which is one of my favorite movie houses to go to. The popcorn is still served in those oversized buckets and the crowd was chock-full o' homos and soccer moms which led to plenty of pre-show snark. Keeper noted that the shrunken looking woman behind us was probably going to be a loud laugher. Old Chinese proverb break -It's always the fucked up looking little ones who belly laugh the loudest- unknown

Overall there were some funny Balto-centric things like the DC Yuppies who move there for the kitsch value and Tracie Ullman picking up a water bottle with her cooter. That was worth a good $3.75 but for the remaining $4.25 I spent (actually Keeper spent) would have been better off with a pint.

For vintage fun Waters check out Female Trouble and Desperate Living (if you've ever wanted to see a 500 pound black woman get it on with a skinny white woman this is the film for you). Hairspray is his big mainstream film that's rather good. And for decent 90's Waters see Serial Mom and Pecker.