Wednesday, October 06, 2004

I would have been more informed watching the Queer Eye Rerun


debate n. an arena where people with opposing views go to hit each other with pillows. These arenas, which are padded and full of fun obstacles, are constructed so that a person who feels very strongly about some issue may seek out a counterpart who disagrees just as strongly and then they can swat each other with heavy pillows. Some political debates are taxpayer-funded because everyone benefits one way or another, either through watching folks (often pompous fat men) engage in spirited pillow fights or through the eventual reduction in overbearing attempts to legislate other people's behavior. After a good debate, the two dueling parties are encouraged to sit down together and have a nice cool smoothie.

So last night Pancake City came over with a sixer of Yingling and we watched the VP (I'll be he grinds his teeth in his sleep) square off against Mr. FakeSmileMan aka John Edwards. Pancake is a lot more into politics than I am so if I were you, I'd go over to his site for actual content analysis. It was the usual political slop.

Iraq situation under control

Iraq situation not under control

Many new US jobs

Not so many new US jobs

Marriage is between a man and a woman


I kind of woke up and smelt the hypocrisy at that point, or maybe it was my dog farting cause the hypocrisy was thick like Cheney's neck from the beginning. And speaking of Cheney, his big dyke Mark Hamil looking daughter came out at the end looking fresh from a makeover. She even had the same hairdo as Mom. Awww. Edwards wife and kids came out too and I couldn't help but keep my eyes on the Badonka Donk Donk. At least Edwards and I have that in common, we like women with a little junk in the trunk. Tasty.

Friday, roundtable with Bush and Kerry. But it's on at the same time as $40 Dollars a Day so that'll be a toss up.


At 3:28 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just visiting from beautiful, sunny, Pancake City. Jason said, "check 'em out" so here I am.

I can't remember my blogger password at the moment,(Quad shot espresso, 3 sugars) so I'm posting anonymously. But my real name is Ernesto Sandoval.'m Chad. Yes. Yes.


*runs in circles*

Cheney was lying the entire night. First rule of public speaking, never put your hands in front of your mouth when speaking. It's a dead giveaway. That, and blinking too much. I don't think that Cheney actually blinks, though. I'm sure his tear ducts are regulated via satellite and he only cries in the privacy of his bunker every other month as a "systems check."

I think the "nice guy" in Cheney came out when he thanked Edwards for saying nice things about his family. I think that was the only "human" moment he had. Cheney had a full 30 seconds to retort and all he did was thank Edwards. Next question.

Shortly after the kind remarks, Cheney's limbic system kicked in and he went back to being a robotic lizard creature.

I'll stop typing now. :-)

At 8:01 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I dun feel like registering and doing yet one more fun account thing. But I have a wonderful suggestion for the next debate (starting soon). Found this online:

Debate Drinking Game and Not Drinking Game

A Wonkette operative sent along a fairly straightforward debate drinking game, which we provide for you edification and inebriation after the jump. We, however, can't wait until Thursday to start drinking, not when there are so many good reasons to start now. So many, in fact, we don't need an excuse to drink, exactly. . . So anytime:

• Anyone tells that story about Bobby Kennedy turning up the thermostat before the Kennedy-Nixon debate: Take a sip of a hot toddy.
• Doris Kearns Goodwin mentions Lyndon Johnson: Pee outside.
• Someone shows a clip of Al Gore sighing: Recount your chads.
• A Republican operative compares Kerry to a classical orator: Drink an ouzo-and-hemlock cocktail.
• A Democrat operative uses the phrase "can't run on his record": Go to Stetson's.
• A Republican operative cites Kerry's prep school debate team experience: Try on a cheerleader outfit.
• A Democrat operative says that Bush "has never lost a debate": Try to look yourself in the eye.
• Someone plays the "you're no Jack Kennedy" clip: Lose anyway.
• Someone proclaims that "the entire race may come down to this": Move to Canada.

Start drinking for real after the jump.

Drink One Sip If:
Anyone says "terrorism"
Anyone says "Halliburton"
Anyone says "flip flop"
Anyone says "Saddam Hussein"
Anyone blames "the media"
Anyone mentions their own military service
Anyone says "September 11"
One candidate interrupts another candidate

Drink Two Sips If:
Bush says "cut and run"
Kerry says "W stands for wrong"
Either candidate talks past their time limit
Kerry brings up Bush's "Mission Accomplished" moment
Bush mentions Crawford, TX
Anyone looks at the wrong camera
Anyone whips out "evidence"
Anyone says "Osama bin Laden"
Anyone mentions blogs
Anyone invokes the hurricane sympathy vote
Anyone mentions "North Korea"
Kerry mentions Bush wants to reinstate the draft
Everytime you see anyone wearing the yellow "LiveSTRONG" bracelet

Finish Your Glass If:
Anyone in the audience gets dragged out of the auditorium
Anyone in the audience gets off an unscripted question
Bush mispronounces any word or name
Anyone says "Osama bin Hidin'"
Anyone uses a sports metaphor
Anyone attempts to speak Spanish to pander to Latinos

Do a Shot If:
Bush mentions the deficit
Bush accuses Kerry of being "French on terrorism"
Kerry accuses Bush of being a pansy for avoiding Vietnam
Bush admits he made a mistake ("miscalculation" counts)
Ralph Nader shows up insisting on airtime

Finish the Bottle If:
Anyone challenges anyone to a duel
The moderator rips off his mask to reveal his true identity is Karl Rove


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