Tuesday, October 05, 2004

Rachael Ray's Block Party in My Pants

Okay, so just about anyone who knows me knows that I am a fan of Rachael Ray. And a few people who know that I am a fan of Rachael Ray know that I am a fan less because of the food she cooks and more because she is about 17 kinds of hot. And now that Martha is on her way to federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison somewhere in West Virginia, Rachael Ray is poised to become the new Queen of the Food Network. She already had two shows, 30 Minute Meals (now shown two times per day since it seems FoodTV won't show Martha's show while she's in the clink. Style Network is not so classy.) and $40 A Day, and has a new one starting soon where she hangs out with celebrities. (No, I don't know what it is called because whenever I see the commercial for it I am too busy staring at her boobies.)

Rachael Ray can cook. Rachael Ray has a little junk in the trunk, which I like. Sometimes on her shows, Rachael Ray wears a tank top. Rachael Ray has a great smile and a way of sometimes looking out from under her eyebrows that is very hot mama. (Check the picture on her Food Network bio page linked above for any example of this.) And Rachael Ray likes to eat, which is a quality I admire in women (and no, not in any sort of gross and perverted way. I just mean that skinny women who eat nothing but salads and air are annoying. Probably because they are hungry. But I digress.)

So it's no surprise that I settled in on my couch is past Sunday night to watch Rachael Ray's Block Party. And in this show, there were many examples of why Rachael Ray bugs the everlovin', godfearin', all-holy-hell of of me. Besides the constant use of the abbreviation EVOO for Extra Virgin Olive Oil (which in and of itself is not annoying, until, in her next breath, she explains that EVOO stands for Extra Virgin Olive Oil, which kind of defeats the purpose of an abbreviation) and the constant giggle giggle giggle. No, what really got to me in this particular show is that Rachael Ray was coming off as some sort of sexist. No, really. There was a whole segment about grilling these mini-hamburgers, and she kept talking about how the men got the grill ready for her. Then she proceeded to tell all these men how she doesn't even like to grill because it makes her smell like jerky. And that would have been okay, but she firmly stepped in it when she said that all women don't want to grill for that reason, but the men can grill because men smell good when they smell like jerky. WTF? This is a woman that, on an episode of 30 Minute Meals just the other day said that she uses so much garlic that she always smells like Italian sausage and that she's lucky she has a boyfriend who likes that. Also, she did several segments of the Block Party where she was cooking with kids (because this show is part of the Food Network's Cook With Your Kids week, which I would totally participate in, but my cat doesn't have opposable thumbs.) During one segment, she was making lemonade with these two girls (and totally making them do the hard part, which is squeezing the lemons) and when they told her they were in junior high, she was all oooh, I bet you like boys and have boyfriends and like to kiss the boys and aren't I like your cool aunt Rachael talking to you about that boy in your history class that is just soooooo cute! and when one of them said she didn't because she thought they were immature and obnoxious (which, as I remember, many boys of that age are) Rachael just dismissed it with an oh, that will change soon. Rach! Teenage pregnancy rates are sky-high! Let that girl hate boys for awhile! Plus, whenever she does segments with boys, she tells them how knowing how to cook will help them get chicks later on. Good job, Rach! Show those young impressionable boys how to mack! Jeez.

So the lesson here, kids, is this: girls who smell like jerky=bad, but girls who smell like Italian sausage=good. And yes, Rachael Ray is hot. Maybe I'll start utilizing the "mute" button on my remote control a little more often.

P.S. Rachael Ray, if you are reading this, I didn't mean anything I said above, except for the parts where I say you are pretty and please feel free to call or email anytime.


At 1:56 PM, Blogger Twizler said...

Racheal Ray cooks?

At 1:56 PM, Blogger Twizler said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 2:07 PM, Blogger bodaciousass said...

HEY..what did twizler say that keepergirl had to delete? HUH? HUGH?? I wanna know!!

At 2:25 PM, Blogger keepergirl said...

Actually, Twizler is a moron and posted the same comment twice, then tried to cover her moron-ness by deleting the second one. Didn't work, did it, Twiz?

At 2:45 PM, Blogger Twizler said...

No and I don't understand why it had to say I delted something. That's nobody's Goddamn business!

At 11:29 AM, Blogger Katie said...

I actually thought the same thing that you did when I watched the block party. I thought it might just be all the gender/media classes I've taken finally taking over my mind but I guess not!


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